Do you ever buy things just to own them? I feel that way every time I buy a DVD. Buying a dvd is technically retarded, because everything is a streamable, downloadable, torrentable internet wonder. You could own anything that has ever been put on DVD simply by downloading it in ten minutes. So why buy them?

So that I can own it.

I could easily DOWNLOAD every episode of Darkwing Duck or Robot Chicken or The Wire, and be entertained constantly. But I own the dvd’s because I like the shows enough to fill the pockets of every jackass in the merchandise chains’ pocket.

You know. Because I’m an idiot.

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You know whats more fun than giving a shit about other people? Being yourself. Or rather, being MYself. 

I’m not a person that can pretend to give a shit when I don’t. I dont like talking when theres nothing to say or people pretending to be nice to me. I hate it. 

And generally, to get along with the world around me, I have to compromise and not, for example, call everyone I see who is a moron, a moron.

And it sucks. To hold it in. To “imagine what someone else is feeling”, to “put yourself in their shoes”. That’s total loose butthole (that means shitty. I’m trying to add that to my list of phrases I use). 

So when I let go and DONT hold it in, or imagine or whatever, I have a WAY better day. A better time. Better performance even. so it leads me to think “why do I bother at all, ever?”

To stay employed. Thats really the only reason. And I guess not to get killed by people bigger than me, who are most often always ogreish. So great. I get to not be the fullest me I can be because SOME people are violent.

So I could use a taser for my birthday. That’d solve everything.

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I confuse “accepting” with “trusting” a lot. It’s pretty dangerous. I can accept anyone and their host of flaws but that usually leads me to take whomever at face value for who and what they are. 

Do you know how weird people get when you are suspicious of them? I think anyone who is weirded out that I am not taking what they say or do at face value as an indication that I am right to suspect something. That’s my new policy.

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My cards came in the mail yesterday! Nope, I dont mean suited or magic, I mean business. They are double sided. I gave one out yesternight.

Felt like a pimp.

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I’d love to have a goblin as a pet. That would be so awesome. He’d always be uglier than me, so I’d feel great about that, yet adorable enough to be pet-worthy. Almost like a small child but with adult sized psychological problems, such as susbstance abuse and kleptomania.

And if he dies in a fire, he could deal one damage to target creature or player.

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Someday I will be talented enough as a comedian to have/need a manager. I will probably like them at first and grow to resent them, but only personally. Professionally i’ll need them to do all the things I “dont feel like doing”. It’ll start when we negotiate them getting a percentage of whatever I make. This will make me need to justify and rationalize every dollar that I made that doesnt go to me, and if it doesnt sync up with my idealized “well, this thing was worth $__ to me, and this other thing was about a $___…so okay” then we’ll have a problem.

We will argue about value and other things that should have been in writing from the get go. It will be like an old marraige where we both feel “I hate you. But you are still useful to me”. And i’ll feel like I “come out on top” by constantly mentioning it and how it doesnt bother me, even if it does.

But we’ll see.

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Someday I wont be lonely anymore (stop laughing, maybe I wont. Just because something isn’t 100% doesnt mean its 0%. I have, like, at least .05% of a chance I’m clinging to). She will be a girl and we will settle down. And she is going to know how to cook, because I sure don’t.

And Mom says she has to, but thats another story.

She’ll have to know how to cook, because my way is generally heating things up and wrapping things in tortillas. That’s it. And cutting fruit into slices. Theres some junk in there too. This diet is pretty simple, and the same basic things ever week or day, and I don’t really mind, but I guarantee some girl is going to mind. A lot.

This is me seasoning something: buying jerk powder at a dollar store and dousing it all over the boneless chicken breasts I cook in my roommates tiny oven grill cooklet thing, which I should really clean more since I use it more than him. That’s it. 

I do everything low-grade so I “don’t have to think”. But the girl for me - WELL! She’ll have an imagination in the kitchen (other places too, again another story) and it really will be a case of getting to my heart via the stomach.

It’s route 1 and the fare is deliciousness. Point zero five percent.

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Something’s Got A Hold On Me - by Etta James

It’s hard to pick favorites when it comes to musicians such as these, but I think this my favorite Etta James song, and it doesnt even matter to me if this was a covered version.

All the best in the Spirit world, Etta.

Can’t Let You Tease Me - by The Commodores

This is a funk song I enjoy.

I work at a job where there are girls in varying states of undress constantly. I am inadvertantly teased by them.

Lucky for them, I was raised by a powerful woman, so being a lewd weirdo about it is something I am incapable of. 

Too bad not being scum is a turnoff to women everywhere. Great song though!

I didnt make this, but this is exactly how I think about it.

I make a graph like this in my head every time I need to make a decision.